Tribute to Our Mother

The picture of Mom is one that Dad gave to me several months ago and I thought you would all enjoy seeing it. You are welcome to download the picture to your computers. This is one picture I had never seen before in my life. Dad tells me that she was about 15 or 16 years old in this picture. Apparently Mom never liked the picture because of how they painted her lower lip. I still love it and I'm sure you will LOVE it too! I hope you enjoy this Mother's Day gift from me to you.

I also wanted to document this story written by our Mother, Dorothy Mary Repia McKenzie Buss. I don't even remember how long ago she wrote it but I'm going to guess that it was in the mid to late 70's or maybe even early 80's. She makes reference to Leah being 12 years old at the time and that would make Robbie 10 years old, Tim 18 and me 16. Of course there's no date on the typed manuscript.

It's a story written about her experience when finding out that she had Bone Cancer and is written in a 3rd person point of view. I've typed the story word for word with no editing other than the edits that she had made on the manuscript. The name of the story is. . .

"I'll Live to See the Sun Rise"

By Dorothy Buss

Dorothy stood hesitant and contemplating whether she should approach the doctor as he sat writing at the nurse's station. The fact that her blood chemistries involving bone were elevated, had been on her mind for several days. Since seeing her report she had wanted to question the doctor further. So, taking this opportunity she quickly approached him, "Excuse me Doctor, something has been on my mind since reading the report you gave me. Do you see any real reason for these chemistries being elevated?" With assurance he said, "Dorothy, I think with only a one time elevation we should repeat this test again in a week." She walked away thanking him, yet still in the back of her mind was the constant thought, metastatic bone activity, having seven years previous a mastectomy for carcinoma of the breast.

For that week as she went caring for her sick patients she kept asking herself, "Is it my imagination, for it seems I have been more tired than usual". As I played racquetball the other day I felt a great deal of pain in my hips when I jumped to hit the ball." Feeling she was becoming overly anxious about this, she pushed these fearful thoughts from her mind. A week later her bone chemistries were still elevated, upon questioning her doctor further he felt it was too early to be overly concerned. He recommended checking in another month as he had to go out of town on business.

Something in her mind would not leave for as she worked Dorothy felt her tiredness becoming a reality. Being a nurse she felt she would have to push these thoughts from her mind as it was beginning to hamper her work. Monday was especially a hectic day, being short of help and having to push her personal thoughts into oblivion, as more pressing thoughts took precedence; Mrs. Miller pressing her button every five minutes, Mrs. Burns spilling her wash water into her bed, all these things making a busy day. Doctor Dunn was especially in a hurry as he asked Dorothy to help him to get his post operative back patient up. Hurrying to his aid they proceeded to get Mrs. Jones up. Mrs. Jones was a little nervous, as she went to stand up she became faint and leaned heavily on Dorothy's shoulder. Dorothy tensed to take her weight, in doing so she felt a severe pain in her back and gritting her teeth she helped Doctor Dunn lift Mrs. Jones back on her bed and tended to her immediate needs. She then left the patients bedside and walking painfully to the desk she asked herself, "What have I done now?"

Work was especially painful for the rest of the day and feeling disgusted she decided to call Doctor Bunnell who was a neurologist friend. He urged her to stop in the office after work. As Dorothy sat on the exam table after the doctor was through he reassured her that she was suffering from a back strain. Then with hesitation she blurted out that she was concerned over her bone chemistries being elevated and with tearful voice she continued to ask that dreaded question which had plagued her mind these last few weeks. "Doctor Bunnell, You don't think that I might have metostatic cancer in my bones?" He placed his hand comfortingly upon her shoulder and said, "Dorothy, we'll solve these anxieties right away. We'll get a bone scan and bone x-rays to see what's going on." He went to the phone and made an appointment for x-rays the next morning. Leaving the doctor's office Dorothy's thoughts were going crazy, no one at this point seemed overly concerned, she was the mistress of her own fears.

Upon arriving home that afternoon it was hard for her to keep these fears from her family but, nevertheless she kept saying to herself, "Why bring these worries upon my family when the test are not even a reality yet. And so, another evening was spent tending to her family's needs. As she was getting ready for bed an overwhelming desire to pray came over her and so, falling to her knees she proceeded thus, "Dear God, why is it, I never think of you unless I'm in trouble or have a problem, Boy! do I have a problem. I can't discuss it with my family and so, I have come to you. Help me to be strong and except my fate, whatever it may be, for I must be strong for my family, Amen." Hiding the tears in her eyes from her husband she climbed into bed and turned her face from him. It was several hours until she fell into an exhausted sleep. The morning came all too soon and again falling to her knees in the quietness of her bedroom she pleaded to God for strength for what might come to pass.

The X-Ray Department was very busy that morning, the technicians all knowing Dorothy waved a cheery good morning as they passed. Inquiring why she was there, Answering quietly she said, "I'm just here for a few tests." The x-rays consisted of a bone scan where the x-ray machine moved like a magic eye over her entire body, and also films of her hips, chest, and skull were taken. Waiting for the radiologist to read the x-rays was very nerve racking. May God bless our friends who are Doctors, it is hard for them to keep things from each other. One look into Doctor McGee's eyes as he told her he had reviewed her x-rays and she knew, the inevitable had happened, for his voice was hesitant and his eyes sad as he continued to tell her he would report to her Doctor.

As she walked back up the stairs to her nurse's station, her mind was in a turmoil and crying from the heart she said, "How can I tell the friends I work with? How can I tell my Husband, my children, that I'm going to die? That I have that dreaded disease, cancer of the bone?" Dorothy did not want to go back to work but it was too late to run for her dear friend Anne was walking towards her. "How did the tests go, Dorothy?" She answered hesitantly, "Anne, my dearest friend, I don't know how to tell you this, but very soon I fear, I must leave you all." She looked at me startled, "You mean you're quitting?" "No Anne!" Dorothy replied, "I'm not quitting but life is quitting me. What a bummer for me, who has such a zest for life. Can you believe it Anne? Cancer has taken over my body." Unable to say more she walked away. It was hard for Dorothy to finish working the day for Anne knew not what to say. Between these two friends was silent remorse.

On leaving for home Dorothy's mind kept constantly returning to what she had to face when seeing her husband and children. The house was quiet as she opened the door, the children were not home from school, "Thank Heaven, a little more time before having to tell them." The sounds of the children as they came noisily into the house arguing and laughing and greeting her were observed with dread. Dorothy put her arms around Robbie, squeezing him extra hard and holding him for a few minutes longer than usual, he becoming impatient wriggled to be free. "Mom, can I go over and play with Jamie?" Before she had time to answer Leah was wanting attention, Dorothy her arms around her and held her to her heart thinking, "How can I leave you at this tender age of twelve, When a girl most needs her mother." "Mom don't squeeze me so hard. Why are you crying, are you sick?" "No my darling, you were just on my mind today" "Can Rob and I go to the movies tonight and can I use Kim's shoes?" Reluctantly she released her, giving them her approval. As the children left the house to play Dorothy's mind became active again, "Kim, How can I tell you? You are so sensitive to my feelings and yet I must. Tim, my son, there is much yet, I must teach you. Gene, my darling husband, who will be left with the responsibility of raising our children and yet, they will survive for part of me is in them. I have given them birth and taught them to care for themselves. But, I want to be with them, to see my children grow to adulthood, I must away with these thought for supper needs to be prepared and family needs are still there." When Gene, her husband came home, he was tired and irritable. She went to him and placed her arms around him. . .

And that's where the story ended. . . hanging. . . just waiting for the story to be finished.

Well, we don't necessarily need to have the story finished because we were part of her story and we shared in her experiences. At least as much as she was willing to share. I'm grateful that she lived longer than the 6 months the doctor's said she had left to live. It was a very heavy burden to carry but she did it with as much grace and strength that she had to give.

Now, that I'm 50 years old myself I can empathize with our mom on a deeper level and can actually feel a portion of what she must have felt and how difficult it was to tell her family. My most recent experiences with the possibilities of Breast Cancer were SCARY. The WAITING for answers after multiple mammograms and needle biopsy's were daunting but yet, I felt the comfort that comes through prayer, priesthood blessings, my life experiences and the examples of Faith, Testimony, and Courage that our Mother had given to me (us). I have often felt that I am a stronger person because of those experiences that I had growing up. I like to think that I'm a better person because of my adversities. Challenges refine us, polish our souls, and make us shine until the Savior can see his image in our countenance. On this Mother's Day I pay tribute to the memory of my dear Mother. I LOVE you Mom! Thanks for your Love, your Sacrifice, your Courage, your Laughter, your Testimony, your Compassion for others, your Example, and your LIFE! You continue to be a blessing in my own life.

I'm grateful for my siblings and my Father for the love that we share and the family that we have. It's always wonderful gathering at holidays and special occasions with our growing families.